


Growing Things

by fanfoolishness (LoonyLupin), LoonyLupin



Series: Starshine Over Beach City: Moments from Steven Universe [37]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Rewrite, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gardens & Gardening, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-19 21:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22071166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/fanfoolishness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyLupin/pseuds/LoonyLupin
Summary: The road to recovery is a long one, but the journey is easier with good company. Steven and Connie work in the garden and discuss their pasts and futures.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Series: Starshine Over Beach City: Moments from Steven Universe [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523993
Comments: 5
Kudos: 145





	Growing Things

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Full Disclosure/ice cream sundaes. What if Prickly Pair had occurred in a healthy way?

A throb of power, a humming in his ears, a light, a song. Rage boiled in his chest; he sobbed into his hands, gasping with the weight of it. Pink light shimmered around him. It built itself into a cage of lies and fears, and he flung his hands out, fingers sliding down its smooth surface. As it closed in around him it changed into a mirror that glinted and rippled. He tried to hide his face, but he could see how much he looked like _her_ \--

Steven woke up suddenly, breathing hard, sweaty and trembling. _I’m here, I’m here_ , he remembered. He ran a shaky hand through his unruly hair, wiping the sweat away. 

A knock at the sliding door startled him, and he looked up, fighting momentary panic. The fear dissolved when he saw Connie waving at him through the glass. He nodded to her and she let herself in with the key he’d given her ages ago.

“Hey!” she said happily, but the smile on her face quickly faded. “Are you okay?” 

Steven took a few breaths. _Focus, then let it go._ _No feeling lasts forever._ “No,” he said, simply, honestly. Another breath. “Give me a minute. I think I will be.” 

She sat down beside him, kicking off her shoes and curling up on the bed. She leaned against him and settled her head on his shoulder. It was one of her newest favorite spots to lean on him, and he relaxed into her, his breathing slowing. 

“Another nightmare?” Connie asked, hugging him. He dug his hands into his thighs, gripping hard at first, then gradually relaxing until his knuckles were no longer white.

“Yeah. Not a flashback or anything. Just me, stuck in my own head.” He paid attention to how he felt, the way Connie felt against him, the sound of his breathing, his feet flat on the floor. 

_Get out of your head._ It was starting to help.

“Well, I’m here too,” Connie reassured him. She pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, then his cheek. He grinned despite the nightmare’s memory, fighting the sudden urge to float up to the ceiling and take her with him. He turned his face to hers and kissed her, her mouth parting open beneath his, and the nightmare quickly slipped back into distant recollection. How could he think of _that_ when the way Connie held him was so right?

They drew apart a moment later, both slightly breathless, Connie as pink-cheeked as Steven felt. “Thanks for coming over,” Steven said, suddenly shy. “Even if I overslept.”

“Nah, I’m early. I _might_ have missed you a little bit since yesterday,” said Connie, pretending to look innocent. Then she giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Besides, I’m starting to get into this whole gardening thing with you. These plants won’t take care of themselves… unless you’ve added any --”

Steven laughed a little, climbing out of bed. Connie stood up beside him, slipping on her shoes. “No, no, these ones up here are still just normal Earth plants. No cheating. I’ll get dressed. Um, maybe you should --”

“Suddenly shy, Steven Universe?” She turned around so that she couldn’t see him change, but she was blushing as she did so. 

“Um, maybe,” Steven said, his voice threatening to crack for a second. He gulped through it, disguising it with a swallow. Oh jeez. “Uh, maybe I just don’t want you to be overwhelmed by my extremely handsome physique,” he blustered. Better. 

They’d only officially been dating for six weeks and a half weeks, and he was still figuring out how to be both a friend _and_ a boyfriend. He wasn’t sure how exactly to do it, but it felt like he was doing okay. Except what was this flirting thing, again? He hoped she didn’t think he was too ridiculous.

He pulled off the light tank top he’d slept in. Part of him half-hoped Connie would watch him get changed after all -- but that was both too exciting and too terrifying to handle just yet, so he quickly changed with his back to her, sweating again. Where had he put that deodorant? Ah, there it was. Phew.

“Well, it’s true,” Connie mused from across the room. “I _do_ think you’re handsome.”

“Come on, Connie, don’t tease me,” he said, rummaging for fresh underwear and jeans. He put them on at lightning speed.

“I wasn’t teasing, but I can start. Isn’t calling you handsome one of the perks of being your girlfriend?” The way she said _girlfriend_ was light and airy, tinged with pride and the excitement of newness. The sound of it made him feel all floaty again.

“Can I just say that us actually _dating_ is… it’s kinda weird, and more than a little scary, and also I really love it? Because it’s awesome. You’re awesome. And beautiful, and smart, and funny, and badass, and -- well, you know,” Steven said in a rush, pulling on a fresh shirt. It got stuck temporarily on his head, and he pulled it down, his hair going every which way as he did so. “Okay, I’m decent.”

“Decently goofy, that is,” said Connie, turning back around. They headed out onto the deck, and she laughed brightly, one of his favorite sounds. “I feel the same way. It’s weird, and I get all these crazy butterflies every time I look at you, but you’re still _Steven._ It’s like… being best friends plus this whole new thing where I get to hold your hand and kiss you and tease you until you blush. I’m a big fan.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” He bent down to examine some of the plants in their pots and planters. He _had_ considered growing them magically, but there was something comforting about these ones, their shades of green and blue and goldenrod a cheery sight against the Gem-constructed dome. Maybe it was that they were content to stay here and grow where he’d asked them to; but maybe it was that there was no way they would cause problems any more severe than allergies.

“It isn’t really cheating,” Connie said, watering a row of blue and pink-blooming hydrangeas in their beds. 

“Huh?” Steven asked, nonplussed over by the burgeoning azaleas. Their first blossoms were just starting to unfurl in shocking fuchsia. 

“Using magic to grow these. It would be okay if you did, I think.” She paused, trailing a hand over a bundle of pink blossoms. “Magic’s part of you just as much as being human, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not wrong to use it, and it’s not wrong to not use it, you know?”

How did she always see through him? He was glad she knew him so well, but sometimes, it made it difficult to hide. He thought back to the sessions he’d started going to, human therapy with someone who didn’t know him, didn’t know Dad and the Gems, didn’t know any of this stuff… but someone who let Steven talk. And one of the things he’d suggested was reconnecting to his human side.

“I know. But I fought so hard to be a good Gem, to get control of my powers, to save the _galaxy_ … I forgot about who I was as a human. I guess this is me trying to figure it out, one plant at a time. Plus my counselor thinks the whole gardening thing is a good idea.” He brushed his fingertips over the spiny leaves of a variegated aloe plant. “Thanks for helping me look into it. Peridot’s advice was super technical, but just hanging out and taking care of plants is a little more my speed.”

She left the watering can, closing the distance between them and taking his hand. “It’s okay if it takes time.”

“I know,” he said, and he _did_ know it, and the thought made him glad. There was a time, not that long ago, that he wouldn’t have believed her. That he would have thought she wasn’t telling the truth. “That’s why I’ve been working so hard on letting myself _not_ work. I really needed help. And it feels good to be getting it.”

Connie looked down at his hand, held in her slender one. “I’m so sorry you were struggling so much. I knew something was wrong, I just… I didn’t know what exactly.”

He gripped her hand tighter. “Well, my counselor says I can be really stubborn,” he laughed. “And he says I’m _really_ good at hiding things. The Gems didn’t know, Dad didn’t know…” He sighed, the laughter in his voice fading. 

Oh. There it was, that feeling. Steven tried to sit with it, instead of trying to shove it aside. It was still a difficult thing for him. “I just can’t believe I lost a whole year, feeling like that. Empty and angry and _numb_ …. I wish it had been different. That I’d been better at dealing with everything. I mean, I could have been going off to college with you in fall, and we could have been dating so much sooner because I wouldn’t have been so messed up. I wouldn’t have worried everyone so much, or scared you so much that night -- I’m really sorry -- ”

“Hey, hey hey hey,” said Connie softly. 

He looked up. She searched his face, her brown eyes wide and earnest. She smiled gently at him, and he realized what she meant.

“Oh man, I’m doing it again,” Steven said, shaking his head and smiling faintly. “That thing where I assume I have to apologize if I try to talk about my feelings. And that other thing where I assume I have to take care of everyone else’s problems instead of mine. Ahhh, it’s really hard to unlearn!” He let go of her hand, throwing his up in the air. “What’s that saying? Two steps forward, one step back? It’s annoying.”

“I think it’s really normal,” said Connie, reaching out and booping him on the nose. He giggled. Sure enough, the painful feeling from earlier was already starting to fade, all the less powerful for having been shared but not ruminated on. It was a balance he worked at with every counseling visit. More and more often, he was getting better at it.

“And I think it’s amazing you’ve worked so hard. I can tell you have, Steven. You just seem… like _you_ again. Maybe it’s a you that’s still figuring things out, but I am too,” said Connie. “It’s not like I know everything about what I want to do. There’s my classes now, which college to pick, my driving exam… and how much time I want to spend in space in the future versus if I want a career that’s more Earth-based… there’s a lot to think about!”

Steven kissed her on the cheek, then wiped off a bit of dirt that had gotten on her nose. “I know it’s hard to choose -- oh man, do I know -- but I hope you know you can do anything you want, Connie. You’re so smart, and you work so hard. Whatever you pick, you’ll be incredible.” She flushed, but didn’t contradict him. “And if you ever want to practice driving the Dondai, I’ll go with you any time. I know you’ll pass it. Stevonnie was a great driver even when we were kids, so I’m sure you’ll do great.”

She poked him in the side. “Yeah, but it’s a little different when someone’s grading you on it. And I think the racing moves Stevonnie’s so good at are a little frowned upon in the driving test.”

“The test wasn’t bad at all,” said Steven. “I got dinged on a couple things, but they still passed me. Turns out parallel parking is crazy hard when you’re used to parking on an entire beach…”

“Dork,” said Connie, smirking.

“Guilty.”

“You know, we’re not doing a very good job with the plants, Steven,” she said, glancing around them. 

“ _Someone’s_ very distracting,” said Steven, halfheartedly picking up his watering can. “You’re just really good to talk to, and super cute, and you smell really nice --”

 _“Such_ a dork!” She went to pick up a trowel, but sighed. “Dang it, you’re really distracting too. Your hair’s doing this extra curly thing where it’s sticking up in the back and it’s _adorable,_ and I keep just wanting to touch you and hold your hand --”

“Hey, I have an idea,” said Steven shyly, an idea occurring to him. “I know a way we could be a little more productive.”

“You better not tell me to go home already, Universe,” Connie said, raising an eyebrow. “I thought I was supposed to go to lunch with you and your dad and the Gems later.”

“What do you take me for, Maheswaren?” he scoffed. “No. I was thinking --” He stepped backward, leaving a little space between them, and held out his hand. “I bet Stevonnie could focus more.”

She grinned, blinking rapidly, her eyes a little too bright. He knew how she felt -- hopeful, eager, excited -- and a little nervous. “Are you sure?” she asked. “I mean -- we haven’t since….”

He took a deep breath. “Since before I broke down? I know. But I think… I think I feel enough like me now that I want to try, if you do.”

Her grin deepened into a fierce, blazing expression, the type of expression that said she would take on the world. He _loved_ that look. “Then let’s dance.”

Their dance was slow at first, the steps a little fumbling, out of practice. For a moment, Steven’s eagerness shifted into worry. Maybe he wasn’t ready after all. Maybe he still wasn’t enough of himself to fuse. Maybe --

But Connie’s dancing was so joyful, so familiar, that his worry slipped away. _It’s okay. I’m me. We’re us._ A lightness filled him, a happiness so intense his eyes pricked. He took her hand in his, and together they whirled, they spun, they _fused_ \--

Stevonnie laughed, the sound ringing throughout the dome. It felt so _good_ to be themselves again. “ _Yes!”_ they crowed. They felt so much different than they had the last time they had formed. That day, months ago, Stevonnie had felt unsettled and strange throughout. They had struggled to stay themselves in a way that hadn’t made sense, and they had only remained a few moments before Steven and Connie unfused. Now they understood why, and it was a relief to once more feel like Stevonnie, confident, relaxed, at ease.

They realized things felt a little different. “Ooh!” they said, reaching up to feel stubble on their cheeks. “Huh, might be a good look for me.” Stevonnie reached down to touch their toes, then stood up and stretched as tall as they could. Ahhh, that was nice. 

Stevonnie glanced around the garden, noting how little work had been done this morning. Steven and Connie really were too much sometimes (only in the best way, of course). “Yeah, I think it’ll be a little easier not to be distracted this way.” They collected the watering can and the pruning shears. 

Stevonnie hummed to themselves as they made their way through the rows of Steven’s garden, watering here, pruning the occasional dead branch there. A few plants needed some fertilizer, and Stevonnie sank their hands into the soil of each pot, relishing the feel of cool dirt against their fingertips. A breeze played through the open door of the conservatory, its touch blowing lightly through their hair. The morning sunlight streamed through the glass, brilliant, coruscating, lining the edges of the plants with golden light. Below them, Stevonnie could hear the surf breaking against the sand, wave after wave, the sound mingling with their humming.

Stevonnie finished with the gardening in an hour, much quicker than it would have taken Steven and Connie with all of their flirting. They wondered what the future held for them both: Connie’s schooling and future career, Steven’s Gem and human struggles and his improvements, this new layer to their friendship that had developed recently. So many changes, but good ones, they thought.

They looked around at the garden, feeling a warm sense of pride at how well it was doing. Steven and Connie had worked so hard to help this place become lush and beautiful. It had changed, too. No longer a sterile Gem structure, it was a true garden, vibrant and alive and growing.

Stevonnie sat down cross-legged in the middle of the conservatory, surrounded by greens and pinks and yellows, scents of jasmine and rose. The surf was steady in the background. Stevonnie closed their eyes, considering the future, and took a moment to breathe deeply.

They smiled, calm and serene. Maybe they didn’t have future vision, but the future seemed bright after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this rattling around in my drafts but was waiting until Prickly Pair aired to figure out what direction I wanted to go with it. WOW that episode was a gut punch, wasn’t it? So I felt I had to reimagine it in a much healthier setting since in these stories, Steven’s breakdown occurred earlier and he was willing to go to therapy. You can see he’s not 100% better — old fears and patterns slip through — but he’s social now and overall has a much better outlook. 
> 
> I also thought it was important to spell out that dating wasn’t really possible until Steven had made significant improvements in his mental health, and that dating/relationships alone can’t save you from mental illness. They can help if there’s a solid foundation there, but you can’t jump into a relationship at your lowest point because your self is too wounded to be a good partner. So, this is set some months after Steven had been in therapy. They were very close before then but not officially dating yet, at least in these stories.


End file.
